It's ok to miss drinking, but deep down, never want to drink again. By Alyson Premo.

This has been coming up with my 1:1 clients, so I'm taking that as a sign that there are others of you out there that feel the same way.

It is OK to miss something and not want it back. I always compare it to breaking up in a relationship.

One person or maybe both parties feel that it isn't working out anymore. Maybe the spark isn't there. Maybe your needs aren't being met. Maybe they cheated on you. Whatever the case is, breaking up is hard. Why is it hard? Because you're getting out of a routine. You're used to seeing them or talking to them all the time. You're accustomed to texting them when you're having a bad day. So you miss them for the comfort they provided. You know that they aren't right for you, but you miss the good times.

The same logic can be applied to alcohol.

Alcohol was our comfort. On good days. On bad days. On any day ending with a y. 😂 When our brain is used to running to alcohol, then, of course, it will be hard to interrupt that thought pattern. It's a habit that's on autopilot.

Of course, you're going to miss it, because your brain is thinking about the good moments. Funny how that works, huh? Our mind thinks of the one time we could "control" our drinking instead of the 50 other times we made a fool of ourselves, blacked out, and acted in a way around our kids that we regret.

My whole point is to say it's ok to miss drinking and never want to drink again. It's ok to miss that moment of euphoria that alcohol gave us, but we have to play the tape forward. We have to remind ourselves of why we broke up with alcohol in the first place. It wasn't serving us. Physically, mentally, or spiritually. Period.

Are you ready to break up with alcohol once and for all? I have THREE spots open for my (@sobermomcoach) 30 Day 1:1 Program. Daily accountability check-ins, (4) 50 minute 1:1 sessions, journal prompts, and 24/7 access to me via Voxer to get you through the tough moments and be your guide to the other side more. Message me, and we can see if this program would be a good fit for YOU.

Wine is NOT self-care. By Alyson Premo.

Yesterday morning I was scrolling Facebook and saw a post from a yoga studio here in my town and a Mindset Coach saying that having a glass of wine can be self-care.

When I see memes, merchandise, or someone talking about alcohol, I scroll on by because I’m not going to change anyone’s opinion on Facebook.

But when someone who is promoting health & wellness is saying that having a glass of wine is self-care, then it’s time to do a bit of educating.

Stop it with that damn narrative. Alcohol is a depressant and group 1 carcinogen, which means it’s in the same category as asbestos.

True self-care fills you up and doesn’t leave you even more empty.

True self-care isn't destroying your body from the inside out.

True self-care doesn't leave your skin dull with dark circles under your eyes.

True self-care doesn't have you waking up at 3 am from anxiety that the alcohol is causing.

True self-care doesn't leave you feeling worse about yourself.

True self-care doesn't leave you with regret, guilt, and shame.

I’m not anti-drinking. I’m anti promoting alcohol as “healthy” and a tool to cope with the daily stresses of life. There is nothing healthy about the facts of what alcohol does to your mind, body, and soul.

I’m passionate about this topic because I talk to women who are struggling with alcohol every day, and I’m not talking about being mentally and physically dependent on it either. I’m talking about reaching for it at the end of a stressful day or because the world's uncertainties are just too much for them right now.

They keep going to that glass of wine, then it becomes a habit, and then before you know it, they look back and wonder why they feel like absolute garbage and are having a hard time stopping.

Do you keep using the excuse that wine is your treat or reward at the end of a long day? I challenge you to change that narrative in the 60 Day Alcohol-Free Challenge starting October 1st! Join 39 other mothers and me for daily audio lessons and content emailed right to your inbox, connection, and support via WhatsApp (that's right, no more Facebook required!), 4 LIVE group coaching calls, and a 1:1 chat with me @sobermomcoach ! Click here to register and reserve your spot!

Motherhood and alcohol are like oil and water. By Alyson Premo.

Motherhood and alcohol are like oil and water.

They DO NOT mix well and only cause separation.

I don't know when alcohol and motherhood became synonymous, but I do know who the culprit is. Big Alcohol and their marketing made you believe that alcohol and motherhood go hand in hand when, in reality, it only causes more problems, heartache, and separation.

It's amazing what happens when you step back from the mommy wine culture and see how heavily marketed it is. It's not a coincidence either. They use persuasive messaging, and a lot of us fell into the trap. Thinking that "they whine I wine" is the way to get through the hard days. The days when the kids won't listen to you, so you lose your temper. The days when you're so tired from waking up at 4 am because your kids don't understand what sleeping in is. The days when you're juggling it all. Work, cooking, cleaning, and making sure that you're raising a good human.

Alcohol isn't the answer.

Alcohol isn't the solution to parenting. There are hard days, but what I do know is alcohol never made those days better. They only caused more separation between my son and me. Separation in that I wasn't entirely there. I wasn't fully experiencing all that motherhood had to offer.

At the time, that's the only way I knew how to get through the hard days because that's what I was conditioned to do by friends, coworkers, and society. Alcohol was the thing that was supposed to make all the worries go away, but it didn't. It caused me almost to lose my life and my son. I do not doubt that if I continued on the path I was on, I wouldn't be here today to write about it. And that's why I share my story because, like many of you, I didn't start drinking in motherhood to become reliant on a substance to ease the hard days. I drank because I thought that was the solution to motherhood being difficult some days. It's not the solution, and it never will be.

Your argument for drinking red wine for the health of it is now invalid.

You know those people that I’m talking about, right? Those that say I’m drinking red wine for the antioxidants. Um, you can get your daily dose of antioxidants without ethanol in it. Blueberries, grapefruit, watermelon, broccoli, carrots, and the list goes on are foods that you can eat without a side of cancer-causing carcinogens.

This week the American Cancer Society published NEW GUIDELINES for alcohol. The previous recommendation was if you drink alcoholic beverages, limit to no more than one drink per day for women and 2 per day for men. The new recommendation is to AVOID alcohol altogether.

I think many of us have been waiting for this day. I’m shocked that this happened right now and not a couple of years down the road. Finally, what a lot of us have been saying for years has been brought to light, and it’s a great feeling to be validated. Below are a few more reasons why these new guidelines are amazing.

1) Isn't it easier to stop or not do something when you know it'll cause you harm? Yes, we know that alcohol isn't good for us, but we haven't been "officially" told that. It's like when cigarettes were popular back in the day, and then we started learning more information about how harmful smoking really is. When we look at alcohol for what it is, a cancer-causing chemical, it doesn't seem as appealing as it did before.

2) Less explaining ourselves to friends and family. I mean, you don't need to explain yourself to anyone, but with these new findings, it's easier not to feel like there’s something wrong with you or a buzzkill for not drinking. "I'm good; I just don't want to increase my chances of getting cancer.”

3) Less stigma. Being able to get rid of the notion that if you don't drink, then you must be an alcoholic is a huge step in the right direction. Many will keep quiet about their sobriety because they feel people will perceive them in a different light. The sober curious movement has allowed for this shift as well. More people are becoming alcohol-free because it doesn't fit with their overall health and well-being, which also means more people who are loud and proud of their sobriety. More non-alcoholic beverages brought to the market. AND more options and resources than just AA.

Speaking of options, I’ve already opened up registration for the next 60 Day Alcohol-Free Challenge starting July 6th! These new guidelines are bringing to light what alcohol really does to your health. We eat healthy. We exercise. We meditate. Then we drink alcohol and negate all the good we've done. How does that even make sense? I hope if you’ve been on the fence and have recently seen these new guidelines from ACS, then you'll consider joining us for the next round.

Join me and 29 other women in ridding your life of this cancer-causing substance.

When did we become so divided? AA vs non AA.

Yesterday I had posted on the @sobermomtribe Instagram page about options and how we can’t tell anyone how they SHOULD get and stay sober. We all have a unique journey, past, and many other circumstances that shape what path will work best for us. In no way was I saying that AA was bad. In fact, I listed AA as an option, and a choice that I had tried at the beginning of my journey and it wasn’t my thing. But that’s ok. I had other tools in my toolbox that have kept me over 3.5 years sober. 

I had posted other options that people may use, such as coaching, therapy, podcasts, quit lit, etc. You get the idea. Of course, I knew that someone would eventually come on and defend AA, which is fine; that’s their path and they are passionate about what has worked for them. Then it turned ugly. People who were advocating AA saying that if you don’t do AA, then there’s no way to achieve long term sobriety. That if you’re not in AA, then you’re a dry drunk and have the same “bad” behavior. Um, what? Since when did a post about being grateful for different choices become a bashing fest? Since when is your way better than someone else’s? Since when does the “bad” behavior of someone judging another’s path become ok only if you’re in AA? Since when did you become holier than thou and AA became the end all be all? AA doesn’t have a monopoly on recovery, and most are happy about that. 

Why not be happy that more people have options to help them? Why not be happy that sobriety is more mainstream so that others feel less alone? Why do I have to be in a church basement to be truly recovered? Where is all this judgment coming from? I will admit it happens on both sides of the divide, but I will say that I believe I see it more from the people in AA that judge the ones who aren’t taking that route. Maybe it’s because that’s my perspective and what I’m looking to find. Still, I don’t go on someone's page who’s in AA saying that they’re a horrible person because they don’t go to therapy or they’re doing it the wrong way because they’re not looking at the science behind addiction. I respect AA and all the people it has helped over the decades, but just because it’s been around the longest doesn’t mean it’s the “right” option. There is no such thing as the right option. Well, there is, and it’s whatever works best for YOU.

I genuinely don’t understand this divide. Well, I guess I do because it happens in our country all the time. Over politics. Over this pandemic. Over whether breast milk or formula is better. Why can’t we all just get along? Why can’t people have their opinion and you have yours? There’s a reason why they’ve formulated that opinion, and we don’t know anyone’s experiences or personal life, so why judge them for that? Most of the time, we have the same opinions as our parents or who we were raised by, and that makes sense. But it also means that our views aren’t going to change overnight.

When we force someone to do something, then they’re more apt to resist. Why not let them form their own conclusions by having a healthy dialogue? A dialogue that doesn’t consist of bad-mouthing their view. A discussion that doesn’t tell them how bad or wrong they are. Because I can tell you that will NEVER change my opinion, and it would make me even less likely to think about your reasoning. 

I will also say that I’m not perfect. I have judged and sometimes do to this day. When I see the mommy needs wine memes or anything of that nature, I roll my eyes and may or not react. I’ve also done it on the Sober Mom Tribe page. But I think there’s a fine line between educating and flat out shaming someone for their drinking behavior. I mean, would you change your drinking pattern just because some random person on social media told you that it was wrong? I can tell you the answer to that because someone said that to me before I got sober. Did it change my mind? NOT AT ALL.

I don’t even know what the point of all this was, but I’m sure someone else out there can relate. It’s frustrating when people who aren’t in AA have their recovery questioned. I know that we shouldn’t care what they think, but I think it’s harmful to those that don’t like AA and want different options. We all put a lot of work into our recovery, whether that’s with AA or not. We’re all here for the same goal of remaining sober, so why does it matter how we get there? If you have the answer to that question, then let me know. But I’m sure this divide won’t end anytime soon. In the meantime, let’s just all BE KIND and root for one another.

Let’s be the beacon and not the tugboat.

At 1,152 days of sobriety I finally did it and here's my verdict.

Are you asking yourself what did she do? Did she try to moderate? Did she have a slip-up? Did she do something embarrassing? (Well that usually happens every day. Can’t take the blonde moments away from me, even when I’m sober). Are you ready for it? I finally tried NA beer. A little over 3 years sober and I said I think it’s about time I gave this a try. 

I’ve been seeing great reviews for Gruvi (0.0% alcohol), so I ordered a sample pack a few weeks ago and decided I had enough time under my belt to give it a whirl. On Friday night, I cracked open a cold one and I took my first sip and immediately was sent into flashback mode. I actually panicked and had to triple check the label just to make sure I wasn’t drinking the real thing. After the initial panic wore off, I kept sipping it. Don’t get me wrong, it was good. Too good. I practically chugged it, and then opened up a second one an hour later. Cue the red flags! 

This is not ok. This is not normal, and I can’t drink NA beer or wine. At first, I kept trying to justify it, like there’s 0% alcohol, it’s fine. Nothing to worry about. But in reality, I think I was waiting for that buzz. I was waiting for the warm and fuzzies to engulf me. I took a step back. I became aware of what was going on and knew this wasn’t a good idea. I’ve heard horror stories of people having a non-alcoholic beer and then spiraling into a relapse. No thanks. I’m good. I’ve done way too much up to this point to remove alcohol from my life and not go back to that cycle of hell. I also want to preface this by saying this is MY journey, and you do whatever you have to to live a fulfilling alcohol-free life. There are many who have great success with NA beers and wines. They’re drinking them for the craving to wear off or in a social setting to feel included in the festivities. I can also drink Kombucha without having any cravings or triggers. Even though it has 0.5% alcohol in it, (which is the same amount in vanilla extract, a ripe banana, malt vinegar, etc.) I’m ok with it.  Because to me, it doesn’t bring me back to the days of drinking morning until night. The days of being hungover and nauseous. Kombucha for me is just like any other non-alcoholic drink. 

After I realized I couldn’t drink it, I went into a little bit of a pity party. The thoughts of, “I’m such an alcoholic that I can’t even drink non-alcoholic beer, without trying to get a buzz.” Typing that out now makes me see how ridiculous that sounds. Insert eye roll. But the thing was when I ordered it I didn’t get it because I wanted a buzz. I got it because I genuinely wanted to see how it tasted and if this was something I could put into my toolbox for social settings. And I like supporting other small businesses that are doing their part in the sober curious movement.

I kept repeating to myself, "THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME BECAUSE I CAN’T DRINK SOMETHING THAT TASTES LIKE ALCOHOL." And then my pity party was over, and I went back to my Bubly. Don’t let yourself get into that shame spiral that so many of us have done. We can look at it as an allergy. If you were allergic to nuts, would you keep trying different kinds of nut butter? No. Accept it and realize there are lots of other great beverages to be had. 

Also, another huge factor is that I was physically and mentally dependent on alcohol. In the end, I couldn’t go more than a few hours without alcohol. I was falling asleep at 10 pm, waking up at 2 am to drink the wine on my nightstand to fall back to sleep until 7 am, and starting to drink again as soon as I woke up in the morning. I think this is a huge reason why I can’t consume NA beer or wine. For those who are sober curious because they are grey area drinkers or binge drink here or there it is a different story. I kind of feel like it’s a traumatic event. The taste just brought me back to a time that I couldn’t stop. I wanted to stop more than anything, but I couldn’t. And that’s what scares me.

In conclusion, I’m going to stick with my seltzer, Diet Coke, coffee, and fancy mocktails. I’m staying away from the NA beers and wines, and that’s fine with me. I mean why would I want to go back to drinking something that tastes exactly like what led me to the worst years of my life. 

Ultimately, you are the only one that can decide if it’s going to work for you or not. As a Certified Recovery Coach, I provide options to my clients and challenge participants. What isn’t going to work for me, may work for so many others. But it is also my duty to give a little disclaimer that drinking these can potentially trigger a craving for the real deal. Just be aware and vigilant of what you’re trying to accomplish with the NA beer or wine. If you’re stopping at one and having it in a social setting or with dinner, then your intentions are good. If you’re chugging and wondering where the buzz is, then I’d probably steer clear of them. But like I said, that’s not for me to decide. This journey is personal and unique, so please don’t shame yourself into thinking that there’s something wrong with you because you can’t enjoy an NA beer here and there. If you’re in need of extra support, join us in our private Sober Mom Tribe Facebook Group or email hello@sobermomtribe.com. You can’t do this alone, and you don’t have to!

Don’t forget to tune into the premiere episode of Sober As A Mother Podcast this Friday! Follow the podcast on Instagram @soberasamotherpodcast. If you’d like to be a guest on an episode, please email soberasamotherpodcast@gmail.com.