Are you asking yourself what did she do? Did she try to moderate? Did she have a slip-up? Did she do something embarrassing? (Well that usually happens every day. Can’t take the blonde moments away from me, even when I’m sober). Are you ready for it? I finally tried NA beer. A little over 3 years sober and I said I think it’s about time I gave this a try.
I’ve been seeing great reviews for Gruvi (0.0% alcohol), so I ordered a sample pack a few weeks ago and decided I had enough time under my belt to give it a whirl. On Friday night, I cracked open a cold one and I took my first sip and immediately was sent into flashback mode. I actually panicked and had to triple check the label just to make sure I wasn’t drinking the real thing. After the initial panic wore off, I kept sipping it. Don’t get me wrong, it was good. Too good. I practically chugged it, and then opened up a second one an hour later. Cue the red flags!
This is not ok. This is not normal, and I can’t drink NA beer or wine. At first, I kept trying to justify it, like there’s 0% alcohol, it’s fine. Nothing to worry about. But in reality, I think I was waiting for that buzz. I was waiting for the warm and fuzzies to engulf me. I took a step back. I became aware of what was going on and knew this wasn’t a good idea. I’ve heard horror stories of people having a non-alcoholic beer and then spiraling into a relapse. No thanks. I’m good. I’ve done way too much up to this point to remove alcohol from my life and not go back to that cycle of hell. I also want to preface this by saying this is MY journey, and you do whatever you have to to live a fulfilling alcohol-free life. There are many who have great success with NA beers and wines. They’re drinking them for the craving to wear off or in a social setting to feel included in the festivities. I can also drink Kombucha without having any cravings or triggers. Even though it has 0.5% alcohol in it, (which is the same amount in vanilla extract, a ripe banana, malt vinegar, etc.) I’m ok with it. Because to me, it doesn’t bring me back to the days of drinking morning until night. The days of being hungover and nauseous. Kombucha for me is just like any other non-alcoholic drink.
After I realized I couldn’t drink it, I went into a little bit of a pity party. The thoughts of, “I’m such an alcoholic that I can’t even drink non-alcoholic beer, without trying to get a buzz.” Typing that out now makes me see how ridiculous that sounds. Insert eye roll. But the thing was when I ordered it I didn’t get it because I wanted a buzz. I got it because I genuinely wanted to see how it tasted and if this was something I could put into my toolbox for social settings. And I like supporting other small businesses that are doing their part in the sober curious movement.
I kept repeating to myself, "THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME BECAUSE I CAN’T DRINK SOMETHING THAT TASTES LIKE ALCOHOL." And then my pity party was over, and I went back to my Bubly. Don’t let yourself get into that shame spiral that so many of us have done. We can look at it as an allergy. If you were allergic to nuts, would you keep trying different kinds of nut butter? No. Accept it and realize there are lots of other great beverages to be had.
Also, another huge factor is that I was physically and mentally dependent on alcohol. In the end, I couldn’t go more than a few hours without alcohol. I was falling asleep at 10 pm, waking up at 2 am to drink the wine on my nightstand to fall back to sleep until 7 am, and starting to drink again as soon as I woke up in the morning. I think this is a huge reason why I can’t consume NA beer or wine. For those who are sober curious because they are grey area drinkers or binge drink here or there it is a different story. I kind of feel like it’s a traumatic event. The taste just brought me back to a time that I couldn’t stop. I wanted to stop more than anything, but I couldn’t. And that’s what scares me.
In conclusion, I’m going to stick with my seltzer, Diet Coke, coffee, and fancy mocktails. I’m staying away from the NA beers and wines, and that’s fine with me. I mean why would I want to go back to drinking something that tastes exactly like what led me to the worst years of my life.
Ultimately, you are the only one that can decide if it’s going to work for you or not. As a Certified Recovery Coach, I provide options to my clients and challenge participants. What isn’t going to work for me, may work for so many others. But it is also my duty to give a little disclaimer that drinking these can potentially trigger a craving for the real deal. Just be aware and vigilant of what you’re trying to accomplish with the NA beer or wine. If you’re stopping at one and having it in a social setting or with dinner, then your intentions are good. If you’re chugging and wondering where the buzz is, then I’d probably steer clear of them. But like I said, that’s not for me to decide. This journey is personal and unique, so please don’t shame yourself into thinking that there’s something wrong with you because you can’t enjoy an NA beer here and there. If you’re in need of extra support, join us in our private Sober Mom Tribe Facebook Group or email hello@sobermomtribe.com. You can’t do this alone, and you don’t have to!
Don’t forget to tune into the premiere episode of Sober As A Mother Podcast this Friday! Follow the podcast on Instagram @soberasamotherpodcast. If you’d like to be a guest on an episode, please email soberasamotherpodcast@gmail.com.